I'm Losing It All

I get what it was you wanted now Aggy.


You wanted me dead, didn't you? 


You wanted me dead so you wouldn't feel guilty. You wanted to destroy me so that you wouldn't have to look into my eyes and KILL a silly ignorant person. So you wouldn't have to face what you created, and rather get your revenge without consequence.


Well you got what you wanted Aggy, I'm dying. But I got you first, so jokes on you. Ha. Ha. Ha.


Have I died already? I don't think I'm dead yet. I can feel that dark thing moving around in my head, and I can feel it leaking out of me, but it hasn't gotten me yet.


I'm not going to die. I refuse to die.


Not after everything.


Ian is here. He's watching me. I can't leave, and he won't go on his own. 


I can't see him, but I know he's here. I know he and the Monster are both here. 


I wish there was something alive in this forest, but it's nothing but graves and trees and snows. My three least favorite things.


Of course if there was something alive I would probably KILL it.


I can't eat anymore. Everything that goes down just comes up again all black and horrible. 


Pathetic.

I'm so scared I disgust myself. 

I'm so petrified of death I can barely breathe, but there isn't enough left to get up and run.


There's too many memories. To many horrific things. 


So much BLOOD.


So much BLOOD on my hands.


Enough to dye the snow red.


Opal Opal Opal Opal Opal


I am Opal.


I wish I was anything but.