Dream

I fell asleep.

Woke up just now. Have to type this quick. It's fading.

Had a memory in my sleep. Not a happy one.

That night, (or it was morning wasn't it,) the day Aggy died.

I had a dream about Spencer, and that place.

That whole night was mostly a blur, just snippets of images and feelings.

Me digging a hole,

Nemo on the ground, with the shovel spade to his neck.

My ears ringing with noise, my bones freezing.

My hand tightening around August's throat, and those sputtering noises he was making.

The crack I felt when Spencer finally got his hands on me. Blood, so much blood.

The way he looked at me, when he pulled me up.

I'm sure Spencer will be glad when he hears I've been seeing that in my nightmares.

But I remembered the East Wing. Bits and pieces.

It was so quiet.

Everything felt still.

Just nothingness.

Felt like bliss, and everything felt clear.


"...Life is torture..."

Me?

"The longer you live, the more corrupt and disgusting you become,"

Definitely me. But the words don't make sense.


"Not your choice to make,"

Spencer. His voice sounds wrong. It's so empty.


"I make it for me, because I'm a selfish coward. I don't deny what I am..."

How can I when even I'm not sure?


"Because you and me...you and I...like a cockroach..."

There was a slicing noise. Black blood.


"...Thought I'd escaped..."

Am I still bleeding? I can't feel anything.

"....Thought I was free..."


" You're never free from Him. His toy. Forever. For all time. We can't help you anymore."

So blurry, so dizzy. Should leave but I don't want to. I'm stalling.

"You don't exactly have a lot of time left,"

Spencer's face changes. He's grinning.

"When the time comes, I am going to enjoy watching you struggle for life as the light fades from your eyes. Who knows? Maybe Father will be there to keep you company...."

He's laughing.

Father?


"That's where we're different Spencer Fitzgerald,"


"...Just go."


I'm falling, the feeling is leaving.

I close the door. He's crying.

The world is spinning and I'm trying to do what he wants. I want to leave.


That's it. That's as far as it goes.


Couldn't let myself forget.


Have to start remembering. Can't forget.


"He who fights the monster should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. and if you gaze for long into an abyss..."

...

Nothing.

Sheesh...When did my brain get so screwed.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is the million dollar question.